How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?
Being a stay at home mom, is not glamorous. There is a glamour around it. That you will save money, live a less stressful life, spend more time with your babies, maybe have more time for self care compared to being a working mom.
The significance of being a single parent prior to marriage leaves a mark. You learn to function with lack of sleep, minimal food, plenty of caffeine and soak up every moment with your children.
As a single mom you sometimes wish you could just quit your job and snuggle your baby endlessly. Just catch up on laundry, dishes, normal chores that seem to never fit into your routine.
That’s what gives SAHM life a glamour. The appearance of being home, that means you get more done, while not missing out.
It’s a farce. It’s not true. I’ve learned in both instances, moms always come in last.
Being a survivor of domestic violence, like many, you’re just happy to be alive, living a life with your child. But the weight of what you endured doesn’t leave. Not you, not your kids.
Instead of juggling drop off and pick ups, meetings, overtime, activities, dinners and making a dent in that laundry pile, you’re equally as anxious and overwhelmed. The laundry is still there. You’re not okay.
And that’s okay.
But social media is fake. We need to understand these perfect mothers, with their perfect houses, perfect children and perfect mental health, hardly exist in real life.
Life is fleeting, and I’m tired of being overwhelmed, angry, sorry for saying words I don’t mean. I’m tired; period.
My perspective has changed from “I’m just trying to stay alive,” to “I want to live a life outside these walls.”
I want to go out with my family, I want to be present in their lives, I want to love them, but also be loved.
I’m tired of being last, and that’s okay. But what do you do when you don’t know how to fix that?
The real answer, I don’t know.
I do laundry everyday and I’m tired of having to put it away.
I clean my daughter’s room and put her clothes away and I still have to do the same to my room.
I’m tired of cooking and doing dishes.
But that’s life, right?
I think a common theme in marriage, is “communication.” But what do you do when that doesn’t seem to work?
Answer is, I also don’t know.
I’m human. The human that loves her child, loves her husband, and wants to find some time in the world to love herself.
I’m sure this could come off as ungrateful. But let me explain.
My daughter is my first and last thought of the day.
I want her to do all the things she loves, and I try to get her there.
If she wants snacks, I make healthier versions.
Cupcakes for school, but be all inclusive of the food allergies, on top of hers? Got it.
My world revolves around her.
As it should.
But it doesn’t ease the weight bearing down on me.
When my life is full of responsibilities of motherhood first, and everything second. Where do I fall? Last.
In a time where perception is everything. I just want to live wholeheartedly, not just survive.
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